H2O
by kaminoko-x
Summary: Kenshin's life in states of matter. /one-shot /dedicated to Vathara.


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**H2O**

_Kenshin's life in states of matter._

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All hitokiri are ice, which should be obvious. Anybody who's looked straight into the eyes of one right after they've killed could tell you that. Saitou is no different, except for the fact that he survived being a witness. (He remembers reports of seemingly random civilians dead alongside rather important figures, and the Shinsengumi can only conclude that they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Hitokiri leave no witnesses, not if they can help it, but Saitou Hajime is not the third captain of the Shinsengumi for nothing.)

Hitokiri. _Manslayer_. Saitou knows that any of the fighters who made it through the Bakumatsu have ice, because that's what kept them alive, but compared to those weaklings with icicles, hitokiri have hearts and souls stuck deep in glaciers from years of murder and shadows. He's heard stories of hitokiri that went insane, unable to handle the blood on their hands, and he thinks that they did not deserve their titles. Real hitokiri, like Jin-e and Kenshin, are so cold that their ice is their defense against inner enemies and things like guilt don't affect them so easily. And while some embrace their ice and others lock it away, it never leaves them. Even now, eleven years later, as he settles into his stance for Gatotsu, he can see Kenshin's eyes freezing over and shifting to amber. His frigid stare is uncaring and merciless; it does not _threaten_ with _pain_, it _promises_ _death_. Saitou lets his face stretch with a predatory grin, remembering the taste of the air in Kyoto, amongst the fire and steel and screams, and knows that even if Kenshin insists he won't kill, the ice is still there.

After all, hitokiri wa hitokiri. _Once a killer, always a killer._

(Saitou knows that he has the never-melting ice of the arctic too. It's so close to a hitokiri that he can't bring himself to care.)

...

Kenshin Himura, the rurouni, is steam. Hitokiri Battousai had been ice, softened to snow by Tomoe, frozen back to rescue her, and then shattered at her death. Still, Katsura had needed him to be Hitokiri Battousai again, so he had gathered up the pieces of his heart stored them away in a box, and dove back into the mess that was Kyoto. After the Bakumatsu was over, he left his daisho and his nickname behind, locking the hitokiri away and accepting the sakabatou Shakkuu had made for him. He vanishes from Kyoto- evaporating into the sky and becoming a wandering kenshi, blowing wherever the wind might take him. This is what saves him from a fate like Shishio Makoto's; the government hears of his vow to never kill and his sakabatou that represents his oath, and leaves him alone. It is also in these years that he loses his will to live; he keeps going only to protect innocents in this new era so that he might atone for his actions that brought down the old. He keeps moving, staying unattached, and under his resolve for atonement is fear. The last time he loved, it ended in disaster. The blow that shattered him when Tomoe died can't hit him when he isn't solid, when he isn't there to be hit. So for nearly a decade, he chooses to drift with the wind.

...

Sanosuke, despite meeting Kenshin much later in his life, has seen both sides of him. He first challenged the rurouni, and then watched the hitokiri fight Saitou and Shishio. He knows he doesn't completely understand either of them, because he had been only a child during the Bakumatsu, and he can't really imagine walking so free and yet being so trapped, never to love or be loved. But when he fights Kenshin for the first time, he knows that this man has seen and lived through far more than him, and Sano understands that he _cannot_ defeat Himura Kenshin.

So he walks alongside this person who is so strong and wise, fighting the small fries so Kenshin can bash up the tough big baddies, even making his way to Kyoto to help him. And it's in Kyoto that he can see- Kenshin isn't just fighting Shishio Makoto, he's fighting himself. Every step he takes, it's the rurouni and hitokiri battling each other, both wanting the same thing, but for different reasons. The rurouni wishes to take Shishio down to atone for his sins and to protect the innocents of Kyoto and Japan, while the hitokiri wants to test his strength against his successor and kill the man. And then there's the small part of him that knows he must destroy Shishio, who is his responsibility, because he would hurt Kaoru and Yahiko and everyone he loves and that is _unacceptable_. Sano isn't the smartest, but he can _see_, and he thinks that is probably the strongest part of Kenshin; the fusion of the ruthless drive of the hitokiri with the protectiveness of the rurouni, but with too much heart to be either side completely.

This is the person that Sano sees when Kenshin goes to face Enishi and rescue Kaoru. This is a man who knows who he is and what he lacks and swings his sword for the people he loves with no hesitation, resolve like the steel of his blade. He isn't ice or steam, he's water; ultimately the same person, and yet, totally different. (He's too attached to be steam but too warm to be ice, and Sano knows that it's all because of Kaoru.) This Kenshin is the person Sano glimpsed when he first fought him, and this is the Kenshin that has Sano's utmost respect.

This kind of person is one in a million in their peaceful but corrupt world, and above all else, Sagara Sanosuke is glad to have met him, walked with him, and fought by his side.

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AN: Okaaay. So this was written in a period of productive procrastination (I quote "Steal Like an Artist"! Really interesting book about creativity. Great read.) because of extreme inspiration block for the next chapter of Help Me. So while I avoided that mess, I accepted a challenge from a family member to write something with the prompt as water, ice or steam. I happily managed to do all three.  
Dedicated to Vathara, because his/her Rurouni Kenshin fics made me read the manga just so I could actually understand the fic. Then I decided I was totally in love with RK, and ended up writing this. And Vathara totally inspires me and makes me want to keep improving, so yeah.

Terms:

_Daisho_- paired swords. Usually a katana and a shorter wakizashi.

_Kenshi_- swordsman


End file.
